I feel extremely dumb right now. I literally set myself up to have my own heart broken. Am I that damaged? Am I that stupid? I truly have nobody else to blame for these tears except for myself. I was talking to someone that I felt I had a real intense connection with: mentally, emotionally, physically, and etc. We had this strange, but also really crazy/cool connection where we could be looking at each other across the room and would know exactly what the other was thinking. It was a weird telepathic connection. I don’t know how else to describe it. We were so alike in so many ways, but yet our hobbies were different. Different not in a bad way and definitely not considered deal breakers. It was like we could speak to each other without verbally saying anything. We would also be thinking the same exact thing at the same time. We would also be able to sense when something is off with each other or how the other was feeling. There were so many strange coincidences and the universe was just screaming that there is something there that should not be ignored and it should be explored. I felt as though he saw me for me, and he accepted me for me even with all my red flags. I tried so hard to just be friends with him because he had just gotten out of a relationship recently, but the intense connection and draw was just too strong. Yes, I understand I was being hella stupid for even entertaining with the idea of trying to be with someone that was fresh out of a relationship, but I’m telling you, the universe was sending so many signs that I just couldn’t ignore them. Well, guess what? Just as I had predicted, I set myself up to have my heart broken. My brain was telling me that he needs time to process his break up before he can be emotionally and mentally available. I also did not want to become a rebound because I truly had deep feelings for him. However, my heart was telling me that this all feels so right and to keep going because there is something there. I can see myself falling in love with him. I can see him being my forever. There is no question about it. This was something that I was thinking and feeling, but being vulnerable scares the shit out of me. It was like he was reading my mind and he was the one who actually said he could see himself falling for me. There goes that telepathic shit again. Not only did I feel this in my heart, but I also just know. Sometimes there’s no explanation, and no concrete proof. I just know that we were destined to meet and he was meant to come into my life and complete it. I’m sad and hurt that he has taken a step back and friend zoned me to process his break up. Once again, I totally understand and this was why I was originally hesitant to become romantically involved with him. I originally just wanted to build a friendship with him and to give him time to move on from his recent break up. I could tell that he is an amazing person with a good soul, and even with how deep we were going with spilling our secrets and revealing our skeletons in the closet, I was never scared off. Some things might come off as being deal breakers to others, but I never saw any of these secrets as deal breakers because deep down, in a way, I understood and have been through the same things. There is nothing worse than being vulnerable telling someone something very private to only be judged. It just makes you put up even more walls. He just made me feel safe to say what was on my mind freely without judgement. The strong connection and intense chemistry was hard to ignore with him. I am hurting as I write this, but at the same time, I don’t regret trying to pursue something with him. This may not be the right time, but I am 100% certain that we will find our way back to each other. Don’t ask me how I know, but I just know. He is probably thinking the same thing as I type this because that’s how strange our telepathic connection is. Who knows, he is probably reading this blog entry too. LOL. Anyway, as sad as I am right now, this is a once in a lifetime rare/special connection and I would be an idiot to just shut the door on because I am hurt. I want to be with him and I miss him. 🙁
