First and foremost, I have never been a cat Mommy before so this was all brand new to me. Sure, caring for humans is easy because I’ve done it for so long, but caring for animals? That’s a whole different ballgame to me.
My kitten Cho Chang was adopted in November of 2016 at 3 months old. Yes, Cho Chang, the Asian chick from the Ravenclaw House in Harry Potter. Her mom was a pregnant feral cat who was trapped by a rescue group and was so stressed out that she prematurely had her kittens at the facility. Cho was born along with 3 other siblings. She weighed only 2.3 oz and was in critical condition. After the extensive care provided by the rescue group, Cho and her brother were the only surviving members who were old enough at the age of 3 months to be adopted out. Our other kitten, Hermione, who was rescued as a singleton, was placed in the same litter as Cho and her brother since they were all rescued on the same day.
Never did I once thought that I would have to put down a kitten that I just adopted. My Cho was quite the character. She enjoyed cuddling with Hermione, loved to sit on my butt, and enjoyed climbing up on the window sill to stare at the birds outside. She also loved the fireplace and loved to sit on my lap while I did homework. She had separation anxiety if Hermione was not with her. My Cho was a healthy playful kitten until one day when she started sneezing. Apparently upper respiratory infections are pretty common in cats so I figured the vet would just prescribe some antibiotics and get that cleared up. However, since I have a medical background, I also noticed that Cho’s eyes didn’t look right and it was not reacting to light. Sure, they’re kitten eyes and not human eyes, but all eyes should definitely react to light. I just knew something neurologically was wrong. At the vet, they figured she had some sort of an infection due to the fact that she had a fever. They also drew some labs on her and sent her home with some antibiotics.
At home, the antibiotics were administered, but she did not improve. In fact, she was declining. She stopped eating and drinking, and was super lethargic. Once again, she was immediately taken to the vet where they said that her fever had gotten worse. They hydrated her by giving her fluids subcutaneously and she was hospitalized. I just knew that my kitten was critically ill.
Cho only lived up to 9 months and died from FIP. For those who are unfamiliar with FIP, it stands for Feline Infectious Peritonitis. It is a viral disease caused by the feline coronavirus. Most cats are exposed or are carriers of the coronavirus. However, most strains of the virus do not cause disease. The virus turns into FIP in only 5% to 10% of kittens/cats and is a death sentence when discovered. FIP is not well understood and there is no cure. There are no definite ways to diagnose FIP either so the diagnosis is normally based on clinical presentation and signs & symptoms. The only sure way of knowing that a kitten died from FIP is by performing a biopsy or examining tissues after the kitten had passed. Normally, once a kitten is suspected of having FIP, he/she will only have a couple of days to weeks of living. My Cho only lived a couple of days after being “diagnosed.” I was so upset that my sweet kitten had to be the 5% to 10% who had FIP. Why couldn’t it have happened to a kitten that was an asshole? Fuck you, FIP. I sure know how to pick out the sick kittens out of the healthy ones. Cho was deteriorating fast and this explained why her pupils were unequal & fixed, her gait was off, and she had no appetite. My poor kitten was walking into walls and crying because she thought she was alone and she had really bad separation anxiety. She didn’t eat or drink for days and I tried to manually feed her with a syringe. All of this was literally temporarily delaying the inevitable. The vet at this point was treating us, the owners, and not treating Cho since there is no cure for FIP. I’ve taken care of too many patients where I am literally treating the patient’s family because they’re not ready to let the patient go yet instead of the poor patient who suffering. I just refused to think of myself and let my kitten suffer. It broke my heart to see Cho suffering, but I honestly did not know when was the right time to put her down. I had no idea who to even talk to about this. It felt very lonely so I reached out to the rescue group that I adopted Cho from. They just told me, “You will know when it’s time.” What kind of an answer is that? I’ve never had to put down an animal before. No, I don’t know when to do it so that’s why I am reaching out to you to help me through this.
One morning, Cho started to seize and foam at the mouth, and that was when I knew that I had to say goodbye to her. I took her to the vet crying like a maniac. I hated seeing my Cho suffer. I hurried off to the vet and she was seizing the whole time up to the point of when the doctor administered medication to euthanize her. I was balling like crazy and asked if they sold any burial boxes and they straight up said no, but that they could find a box from the garbage bin from the back for me. What in the actual fuck? How insensitive is that? Anyway, I refuse to ever return to that vet again even though it was just down the street from me. After she was put down, I brought her home so that Hermione could sniff Cho’s lifeless body. As crazy as it sounds, I wanted her to know that her best friend and littermate was gone so she wouldn’t start meowing in distress and go looking for her friend. I also wanted her to be able to say goodbye. The foster Mommies who took care of Cho when she was born prematurely offered to bury Cho next to her siblings who had also not made it. Her siblings had died due to unknown causes, but now that they know Cho died from FIP, they’re thinking that the others died from it as well. Cho was buried on a huge kitty farm behind a pond with beautiful cattails growing right next to her siblings. I’m just glad I got in contact with the foster moms for support and I will forever be grateful that they offered to bury my Cho there.
Cho, I wished our time together was longer, but it would’ve been selfish of me to want to keep you around longer for my own sake. I hate it when people say, “It’s just a cat” because I don’t think they understand that pets are family. It is like losing a loved one who just happens to not have blood relations with you. I love you and miss you dearly Cho! Rest In Peace my little one.
