I am always in my head. I overanalyze everything. Sometimes these thoughts and analysis keep me up and when that happens, that’s normally how I know it is time to blog. Getting these thoughts off my mind and written out helps me out a lot. I’m a visual learner so seeing my problems written out makes it a lot easier to process for some reason. I have just been experiencing a lot of confusion and frustration lately. If I overanalyze everything that definitely means that I overanalyze myself as well.
This year has been pretty damn crazy as far as dating goes and I have learned so much about myself. I know I am beautiful, I am sexy, I am intelligent, I am sweet, I am successful, I am independent, I am passionate, I am intense, I am quirky, I am silly, I am goofy, I am funny, I am kind, I am loving, I am giving, I am empathetic, I am patient, I am forgiving, I am emotional, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I speak up for those who cannot do so for themselves, and I put my heart my soul into everything. I have many qualities that would make me a great partner, however I am still single. LOL. What gives? I get a lot of comments from guys that I have dated in the past who still to this day say, of all the women they’ve dated, I have the most going for me. I just had one that told me today referring to me, “This girl is so fucking sexy, and incredible, and has her shit together. What’s missing?” You tell me! I am trying to learn. I feel like everything that I have ever wanted, I have worked hard and have gotten. I have achieved so many things in life except for finding my forever person. It is frustrating. I have done a lot of self reflecting and have taken the time to go to therapy to better myself for my future partner. I have confronted and battled my inner demons. I don’t know what else I can do or what I am doing wrong.
When things end while dating, I do ask the other person what went wrong and how I can improve myself for the next partner. I have been told that I talk too much like a guy and don’t have a filter as far as tossing profanity here and there, talking about sex openly, talking about shit, and etc. This is very unlady like apparently. That is fine. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I will not change myself to become more lady like to meet your needs. I am who I am. I have also been told that I have walls up. I feel as though I have been very transparent about my past traumas, my upbringing, my Daddy issues, and more. I have never shied away from talking about these things as hard as it is to talk about them at times. I don’t believe in hiding these things because all of these things made me who I am today as a person. I’d rather reveal all of my skeletons in the closet and let the other person see me, the good, the ugly, and the bad and then decide for themselves if I am too much for them or if they can handle me. It’s simple as that. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. If you believe I have walls up, I need for you on your side to ask me questions about what you’re wanting to know specifically. I will for the most part answer anything. If I am not sharing something with you, it is not that I am doing it on purpose to hide anything. In addition, I have been told that I am drama free. Umm… what? How is that a problem? LOL. I guess I don’t bring enough drama to keep a guy interested? Fuck that! I don’t want drama so if you want drama, feel free to look elsewhere. Other than that, I am not sure how I can improve myself to attract a forever partner. Any suggestions?
